Leaving Fate to Chance
It’s 15° celsius. It’s not hot or cold.
It’s been a good amount of time since my last meal. I should probably eat.
I’m not craving anything. Everything’s as far as it is close.
What’s open?
Soup place and ice cream place. Snack food.
That’s ok, they both sound good. One just doesn’t sound better than the other is all.
Should I forget about them and try to find something else?
No, I can’t. I’ll just be wasting time. Nothing else I like is open anyway.
What should I do?
If I was home, maybe I could eat a bite of something salty or sweet to initiate a craving.
Would that work? And wouldn’t I still need to lean more to one side to even make that choice?
I doubt I have anything at home anyway. I’m all out of salt and sugar too.
Maybe I’ll just fast tonight. Accept defeat and sleep on an empty stomach. Wake up and eat something I can actually appreciate the taste of, and not just fill my belly.
No, the one thing I know for sure is that I’m hungry, and thinking has only made me hungrier.
Okay, let’s see. Soup or ice cream.
Neither is right or wrong. I’m going to get one, and by then it’ll just be what is, and what could have been.
But by choosing one, all I’ll be doing is thinking about the other.
So what choice am I really making? What to eat, or what to think about eating instead?
Am I choosing one, or accepting the absence of the other.
And if I start eating one, will I taste it, or only fantasize about that which I cannot taste.
What’ll I really be tasting at that point?
Dissatisfaction.
Something about that just doesn’t sit right with me. But I have to live with it.
It’s okay. One today, and the other tomorrow.
Who am I kidding, why would I have the other tomorrow?
Wishful thinking. A baseless approach. A false appetite.
Will the sweet or savoury of today spark a desire for the opposite tomorrow?
What if I pick the wrong one and it just doesn’t satisfy me the way the other would have?
I hate that it’s come to this, but I have no choice.
*searches pockets*
Heads soup, tails ice cream.
*a light breeze blows by*
Tails.
Shoot, I was just starting to feel like soup.
I think I’ll get both.
